A Note on Masterbation

Spank the monkey, jerk the turkey, (and for the ladies), flong the dolphin. We've all done it in some form. Whether it's running around our red neck family, at the age of 2, butt naked and touching our "wee wee's" or doing the "Friday night routine 'cause you don't have a boyfriend so let's have a 'buzz-a-thon", why the fuck is it taboo to talk about? Honestly, everyone does it because, well, it feels good. And if it were taught and talked about at a younger age, there would be less young, knocked up hoes walking in the school. Now, I'm not saying that masturbation is better than sex, sex wins, HANDS DOWN, but for those quick moments when you need some sexual frustration releaving, shit, bust one out. And if in school, well, learn to write with the other hand. And women, who, 40% (according to certain studies) never reach orgasm during intercourse (poor things), all that they are left with is masturbation, however, if they knew that during intercourse, (or after words) and the man has, "finished" and she would "stimulate herself", in a few minutes, the guy would be ready for round two, and hopefully, with some practice, she would reach her peak in sex (female masturbation is hot, unless of course, she is fat, old, or decrepid - in some cases, all three). I could go on, but, I am not a diesel engine. Furthermore; shake it easy, don't let your meat loaf, and watch out, the floor's wet.


All of the preceding are from the mind of the smartest man i've come to meet. I promise i have the same thoughts but he so eloquently put things in ways simple enough for the everyday ignorant fool to comprehend. Sheer talent!

To Zach